love and Loss
by originalgaijin
Summary: this is follow up to Bulldog in the sand


Two month had gone by and Ziva had had enough of Lt. Jonathan Barclay. She had grown tired of his cold and standoffish attitude toward her. He seemed to of bonded with almost everyone but her. He and McGee played videogames over the weekends, he shared some of his music with Abby, Gibbs treated him as his second favorite behind Abby, he was even getting along better with Tony, they had put there bad blood behind them somehow. What did he have against her she wondered she had to find a way to solve this situation since he was going to be staying in NCIS she had to find a way to deal with this man.

While processing the scene of a Marine murderer, Jonathan assisted a Mr. Palmer with moving the Marines body from the scene to the gurney and then onto the van outside. In moving the body his uniform fatigues were stained with the slain grunts blood. "I've got a fresh shirt back at the office Gunny"

"Good we've got work to do, get back and get cleaned up" Barked Gibbs

"Yes gunny"

Back in the office the Lieutenant striped his blood soaked shirt placing in the evidence bag just in case. He stood in front of his desk in a white tank top and his fatigue pants, tattoos on both arms and chest in full view of all who wanted to see them. Ziva couldn't help but stare.

"Like what you see ZE-VA?" Teased Tony

"I've seen better"'

"What I was just being truthful," she offered back

"Well yeah you've me with my shirt off" Tony stared to gloat

"I meant McGee"

"Mcflabby over there"

"Thanks Officer David Appreciate it" Jonathan rolled his eyes and went back to his shirt

As he buttoned his new shirt she could just imagine what it would be like to strip him of that shirt. Before she finally snapped back to reality and realized she was fawning after this Marine like a little schoolgirl. She got a glimpse of something else around his neck, they were dog tags but there was more then one set. Why would he carry more then one set she thought in-between fantasizing about her Marine.

The team was joking and kidding around on a Friday afternoon as the clocked ticked away to the time that they could leave.

"Ziva, Barclay I've got a job for the two of you" Gibbs said rushing into the squad room.

"What's up gunny?'

"You two are moving a Marine witness to the safe house to be picked up by US Marshall's in North Carolina, the mob has put on him so you two are going to watch him for the weekend"

"Why us" Ziva sniped at Gibbs

"Officer David if you have a problem with they assignment then you don't have to go" Barclay said jumping down her throat.

A now fully enraged Ziva simply responded with "no it's fine" Her anger clouding her judgment. She just reached for her badge and sig.

The drive to the safe house was tense between the two of them. Sgt. Carlson their protected witness tried to make jokes but all it did was bond the two Marines and aggravate Ziva greatly.

Hours had past in the stuffy little safe house silence between the two agents had become the order of the day. In the late night hours Ziva and Barclay sat around in there awkward silence. had long since past out in the only bedroom. They both hated being on this assignment.

"You can sleep if you want it's a been a long week Officer David"

"I'm fine thanks' she snapped back with a slight scowl

"Fine do what you want' He sat back in his chair watching the ceiling fan spin over his head" I should be in my bar playing pool and drinking beer and instead I'm here doing this. Oh the irony"

"What is your problem with me?' she said with a little bitterness in her voice

"My problem with you? Who said I had a problem with you Officer David?"

"Well don't you? I mean one moment your sneaking glances at me then the next you jump down my throat for any little thing. Your friendly with everyone on the team but not with me, what did I do to you?"

"I'm sneaking looks at you. Wow. Officer David" denial and a little bit of embarrassment came over his face

"I've seen you do it. I mean one moment I think you're attracted to me then the next your yelling at me" Her voice had softened. the hurt and confusion was obvious.

"You don't know me Officer David I think your overreacting," he said in a measured and controlled tone trying to hold back more then he was showing.

"That's my point. I don't know you its like your hiding yourself from me" She moved from her seat on the couch and began to walk toward him.

"I don't believe this." He just sat up quickly and took in a few deep breaths.

"What do you want to know Ziva" He never called her Ziva.

It caught her off guard she stopped for a moment trying to come up with a strategy as to what she would ask. But she thought it over all her previous plans that hadn't work maybe a little honesty and of the cuff questioning would work.

"Who are you'

"Lieutenant Jonathan Albert Barclay USMC, son of Lawrence and Corinne Barclay.

"Why do call Gibbs "Gunney?'

"Sign of respect from one Marine to another"

"And the salute every morning and night?"

"Same it's out of rest to the man"

"What do you have against Tony?"

"DiNozzo, He's an arrogant waste of space but a good agent. He gets what he wants whether he puts lot of effort into it or not. I just don't like that about him. I'm getting over it. I have to work with the guy after all"

"Why do you clutch your left leg when your mad?'

"War wound"

"Iraq"

"Yep" He still wouldn't make eye contact with her

"How did it happen?'

"I.E.D. blast in a market while I was doing a foot patrol. I lost two good Marines in the blast."

She winced at his words, as his face was no longer hiding the pain he had inside.

" Was it your 2nd or 3rd tour?

"You looked at my records?" Now more then angry, he felt a violated that she would go digging into his past. And maybe what she might of found.

"Well I " she got caught in her web but she couldn't apologizes for what she did. She had to know more him it was killing her.

"This interview is over" He turned away from her she reached her hand to him, but knew to pull back as she reached his shoulder. She sat back on the couch with a pit in her stomach. She'd blown her shoot and she knew it.

Tony and McGee had gone drinking at Tony's favorite bar to let off a little stem

"Look at this McGee, this is how you should live not sitting behind a computer screen but here"

McGee looked out into a room full of beautiful women all out of McGee's league by a country mile.

" I don't think this is my kinds place Tony. There no women here that my type"

"Nonsense McGee of course your type of women is out there. The drunk and desperate and lonely"

"Thanks Tony that makes me feel better about my chances."

"Sorry Probie"

"How do you think Ziva and the Lieutenant are doing on their protection detail?"

"Lieutenant wow you really are impressed by him aren't you McAss Kisser?"

"No I'm giving him the respect his rank deserves."

"Then shouldn't you call me Senior Special Agent when you speak to me.

"Tony"

"I know McGee lets get fucked up and forget Ziva ever existed"

"Ziva!"

"Did I say that I mean women what are they good for anyway?"

"You miss her don't you"?

"How can you miss someone you never had McGee?"

"What wait"?

The drive in the morning was twice as stressful as before. The two of them now barely spoke.

"Damn did I miss something, what happened last night? " the Sergeant spoke up from the back seat of the SUV

"Shut up now Marine!' Barclay barked.

He hadn't spoken in forty minutes his voice made Ziva jump just a little in her seat.

"Yes Sir" the Marine obeyed.

The drive from Norfolk to North Carolina was long as the countryside pass by the windows. The three-trapped souls making this journey together yet all were going in different directions once they arrived at their destination.

It was the last night of their protection detail. Carlson managed to start up a conversation with Jonathan that eased everyone mood greatly. She saw him open about himself. Even show a moment of happiness as he spoke about his old unit and friends. She thought back to those she knew in Mossad. But did she really know them? Not like Jonathan knew his platoon. They could be themselves; they knew all the little details of their squad mates. Like she knew about the members of her team. All accept one.

Ziva walked in from getting them all dinner. The two Marines were smoking while sitting around a small table playing cards and laughing loudly.

"Alright chow thanks Officer David" Carlson dove into the bags like a kid on Christmas morning

"Yeah thanks Officer David" It was the first thing Jonathan had said to her in hours. The look on his face showed some remorse for the night before, but not much. The Marines eat and returned to their card game while Ziva sat quietly reading a book.

"Ah Lieutenant'

"Yes Sgt Carlson.

"What's combat like??

"WHAT?"

"I'm a desk jockey. I haven't been even been given a weapon since boot camp. You see much action?"

"Yeah three years in Iraq, from squad leader to platoon leader. I saw my fair share"

"So you're a good shot then Lt. Barclay"

"Sort of. I never went to sniper school or anything. I just have a good eye I guess."

"What about Ziva you a good shot'

The conversation began as innocently as that. The three shared assorted stories as the night went on. Ziva and Jonathan began to speak again but neither was going to concede ground to they other. But progress was made in the night.

Morning broke over the three captives of this little safe house. It would only be a few more hours before the US Marshals would be there to pick up the Sergeant from their custody. They both wanted this assignment to be over but they edge was off there working relationship. The Marines were joking over breakfast with more boot camp stories some of them even Ziva found funny. As 1130 rolled around they all prepared for the end of their journey.

There came a knock at the door. "US Marshal's"

The door openly slowly with lieutenant Barclay answering it with his hand on his Colt .45."Lets me see some ID"

After a quick flash of badges back and forth they brought out of the back room to do the exchange.

As Ziva stepped around the corner she saw it. One of the supposed US Marshal's goes for his gun. In an Instant Jonathan had been spun around and realizing what was going on he tackled one of the hit man to the floor. Two gun shots rung out from the second gunman closest to Ziva and Carlson.

They rolled on the floor fighting for control of first the gun and then for Jonathan's K bar he pulled from his belt. They ended up in the hallway before Jonathan managed to get his hands around the man's neck and with the blink of an eye came a snap and the hit man lay dead in the hallway. He turned and rose to find another Marshall aiming his gun at him. Before two shots rang out. The hit man's mouth fell open with a stream of blood coming out of him. Ziva had taken care of him.

"Ziva" the panic in his voice was obvious. As he ran back into the room, She was on the floor with a bloody lip. "You alright?"

She rose very sore and dusted herself off

"When I heard the shots I' She'd never seen him show concern for her before

"I'm fine Jonathan"

"Carlson?"

"I'm here Sir"

He grabs Ziva's head running his head up behind her ear bringing them face-to-face. They can feel the adrenaline pumping in each other's veins. He moves in a little closer and rests his forehead on hers. "I'm glad you're alright Ziva"

She's speechless and taken a back by who stands in front of her.

After the frantic actions at the safe house the quiet and calm of the Marshal's office is a welcome relief for all of the travelers.

"On behalf of NCIS I turnover to US Marshal's custody."

"On behalf of the US Marshal's Office I accept the transfer, oh and this came for you yesterday I was told to give to you when you arrived"

Jonathan takes the parcel and walks over to Ziva sitting on the bench in the lobby of the office.

"What's that"? She asks as Jonathan opens to reveal a very brief letter

"Hahahahahahaha typical NCIS bullshit."

"What?'

"It's a letter from the director with one plane ticket home. One of us has to drive the car back to the office. Awe now that's classic. Well Ziva I think you should have it. You can be home in time to sleep in your bed tonight. A slow drive home would do me some good anyway."

"No I think I'll ride back with you if you don't mind. I need to think too"

"About Ziva?"

The two agents began their journey home, another overnight drive back to Norfolk. They stopped at little roadside motel to sleep for the night. Ziva quietly made her into the bathroom for a much needed shower. The days events ran threw her head. What she had seen done and felt? Jonathan stepped outside to give Gibbs a situation report and to tell him they wouldn't be in for work on Monday. He came back inside clutching his dog tags as did when he was deep in thought. It was an unmistakable sign of him being somewhere else. Ziva was standing there in her towel picking out some fresh clothes and hadn't heard the door open when he came in. Jonathan stood in awe of the women in front of him. He couldn't help but smile. Ziva finally noticed the eyes that were remembering everything they saw with immaculate detail.

"I didn't mean to spy on you their Ziva." He muttered as he turned his back to her to give her a chance to get dressed. She smiled and threw on a shirt and panties and allowed Jonathan to turn back around. The smile hadn't gone from his face.

"What was the smile for?"

"Your beautiful Ziva an I bet you don't hear that often enough"

She responded with her own smile. "Thank you "

"Drop the lieutenant crap it's Jonathan. Do you have anymore questions for me?' She swallowed hard at the thought of ruining this moment and losing whatever ground she had made with him. But the chance to learn something about him was too good to let go she was willing to try.

Jonathan settled into the bed that was between them followed by Ziva. The only room they could get had a queen-sized bed and motioned her into with him.

"What do your tattoos mean?'

"Which ones?" he took his shirt off over his head to show a chest, shoulders and arms full of ink.

She bit her lip and took a long look at the man lying next to her in bed. Your left arm with the flag?'

"That its' my heritage on my moms side .I'm half Mexican and I'm very proud of that fact."

"Your koi on your chest?"

"That it's an old proverb that if a koi an get over a waterfall he becomes a dragon. It's to represent the completion of my journey.

"Those names on your bicep?"

"Names of nieces and nephew and a god child. Reminder of what I left behind and fight for"

"Why do you always help Ducky move the Bodies of Marines?'

"In boot camp my drill sergeant had a saying "if you cant walk you crawl, if you cant crawl you have someone carry you. There Marines I'll carry them that little bit further"

"Your other dog tags?" His face winced he'd hope she wouldn't ask but it was on the table now.

"Remember when I told that I was injured"

"Yeah"

"I was sent out of country to get attention for my leg. When I was told that I would never be given another combat position I was devastated. I was considering taking a medical discharge; I was given a few months of leave to get rehab by the Marine Corp, to take a little personal time to figure my plans out. My dad told me travel see the world and not be there to kill anybody so I traveled to Jerusalem, then to Tel'Aviv. I meet a women there a beautiful IDF captain one day just sitting in a café. Well I fell in love. I was there for 4 months and was going to resign my commission, my dad had found me work doing dives for ancient ship wrecks off the coast of Greece and she was more then willing to go with me. She had a month left on her service. We had gone to Haifa to see her family. She went to the market the same day a young girl from Hamas decided to blow herself up.

"I lost my sister Tali the same way"

"You understand?"

"I do" she brought herself in closer to him and he put his arm around her.

" I returned to Iraq an take up the position to search for war criminals to escape thinking about her. With you it was character, your essence, your voice that brought back all those feelings of her. I wanted to kiss the first time I saw you. I wasn't ready to deal with that"

"Are you ready now?"

"I don't know I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment but being with you makes me feel better, and I want to be around you more and more"


End file.
